Where's the Tank O'Neil?

Murdoch:
Where's the tank O'Neil?

O'Neil:
What's that?

Murdoch:
The tank. It was sitting right where I left it, on purpose. And your job, O'Neil, was to watch it.

O'Neil:
Right. I remember you saying something about that.

Murdoch:
So where's the tank O'Neil?

O'Neil:
Yeah... funny story about that...

Murdoch:
You had one job O'Neil: Watch. The. Tank. ONE JOB.

O'Neil:
As it turns out, the job was a little more complicated that just watching the tank.

Murdoch:
It's a tank O'Neil. When it's not being operated, it just sits in one place. It has only one job to do when it's not being used: to sit. Kinda like the one job you had: to sit and watch the tank.

O'Neil:
You'd think so, wouldn't you?

Murdoch:
I would. I would think so. In fact, I was thinking that very thing when I gave you the simple job of watching an inert object large enough to not go missing as long as one person with one job was watching it. So, I must ask again, O'Neil: where's the tank?

O'Neil:
Y'know... it's a funny story.

Murdoch:
God help me, but I'm listening.

O'Neil:
You might want to sit for this story though. It's a little unbelievable.

Murdoch:
I'm surprisingly comfortable with standing and glaring at you, O'Neil. Where's the tank?

O'Neil:
To explain where the tank is, you need to understand the context first. The context really exemplifies how a tank, when properly motivated, can shift from where it's supposed to be to where it actually is, and how none of that locomotion is actually my fault.

Murdoch:
Where's the tank O'Neil?

O'Neil:
I'm getting to that. The short version is that the tank is on a personal journey of discovery. And really, who are we to get in its way of armored vehicle enlightenment? Far be it from anyone to accuse me of obstruction of enlightenment.

Murdoch:
Your face is about to obstruct the personal journey of my fist unless you tell me where that tank is O'Neil.

O'Neil:
Calm blue ocean, my friend. Deep breaths. Do you have a happy place to go to when you're stressed? It can really improve your mental well being.

Murdoch:
My last happy place was inside that tank, which I left here with the sole purpose of still being here when I was ready to return to my happy place, which you were supposed to keep an eye on.

O'Neil:
I'm flattered that you would have left me in charge of such an important mission of preserving the quality of your inner peace! I feel that we're bonding just now. Hug?

Murdoch:
Put your arms down O'Neil, and take a step back. Now.

O'Neil:
I enthusiastically consent to respecting your personal boundaries, but whenever you're ready to hug it out, you let this brother know, you grok me?

Murdoch:
Right. So where is it?

O'Neil:
Where's what?

Murdoch:
The tank O'Neil! Where is the tank that you were supposed to be watching?

O'Neil:
Oh yeah... funny story. I kinda lost track of what we were talking about.

Murdoch:
Kinda how you lost track of a tank? One job, O'Neil. You had ONE. JOB.

O'Neil:
As it turns out, the one job you gave me turned out to be an amalgamation of a bunch of little jobs that were not properly explained. So if the tank went missing, which I'm neither confirming nor denying, you have to share in some of the blame.

Murdoch:
The tank is not where I left it, which was right in front of where you're standing. Since I have found you standing in the spot I left you in, but the tank is not where I left it, I can confidently confirm that the tank is missing and that you lost it.

O'Neil:
There are so few absolutes in life, but I'm glad that you have found a personal truth upon which you can find inner peace. Speaking of which, I'm currently off duty, so I need to get some meditation done and be one with the universe. Tanks for your company!

Murdoch:

Damn you, O'Neil.