Why is that building on fire?

Murdoch:
O'Neil, I can't help but notice that building is on fire.

O'Neil:
Yeah... that old wood is really feeding the flames. Just look at those orangey hues!

Murdoch:
Do you know why that building is significant O'Neil?

O'Neil:
Significant? Well, I imagine it was once a home, a place for loved ones to gather, to celebrate family and mark the important milestones in the lives of children and such.

Murdoch:
That's all true, but do you know why that particular house was significant O'Neil?

O'Neil:
You can really feel the heat from the flames, even from here! I wish I had brought a chair instead of having to lean on this unmarked car.

Murdoch:
Focus O'Neil. Why is that particular building on fire?

O'Neil:
Well... it's a funny story.

Murdoch:
From where I'm standing, it doesn't seem like it should be funny. From where I'm standing, next to you, leaning against what was supposed to be an unmarked, inconspicuous surveillance car, it feels like failure.

O'Neil:
Failure? Nah... Mistakes are only teachable moments.

Murdoch:
Then instruct me, O'Neil. Why is that building on fire?

O'Neil:
Are you interested in the science of combustion? Because if so, I might not be the right person to ask. I have a cousin who is a bit of pyromaniac though. He could talk your ear off on the nuances of combustibility of reupholstered furniture.

Murdoch:
No, O'Neil. I don't want to talk about your cousin. What I want to understand are the circumstances that lead up to the complete immolation of a house I left under your watchful eye. Why is that house on fire, O'Neil?

O'Neil:
I would love to tell you that tale, but it has a bunch of twists and turns, a couple of dead ends, and some strange coincidences that unless you are a man of faith, I don't think you'd really believe.

Murdoch:
Try me.

[minor explosion, raining debris]

O'Neil:
Oooh! That was a good one!

Murdoch:
You had one job, O'Neil. All you had to do was watch the house and report any strange activity.

O'Neil:
Well, I would qualify this inferno as strange! It's certainly not what the house was built to do.

Murdoch:
I doubt that this is the first step on the strange journey that this house has been experiencing in the last 24 hours, although I strongly suspect it was its final step. A 24-hour period where you were supposed to be sitting in this car watching the house.

O'Neil:
It's a comfy car. The cupholders are very nicely designed for not only cups, but tubular sandwiches. Did you know that you can stick a whole sub in one and it doesn't lose its submarinal integrity?

Murdoch:
You had one job. ONE JOB. When it came to the tank job, I clearly overestimated your skills.

O'Neil:
That's mean. The tank had dreams of personal discovery. That's hardly my fault.

Murdoch:
But a HOUSE is so completely stationary that I figured you could not possibly lose it. The concrete foundations would make it so that as long as you didn't move, neither would the house.

O'Neil:
You would think that, wouldn't you?

Murdoch:
I would. I would think that, which is why I was certain that a house would survive 24 hours of your gaze, and yet, here we are covered in the flaming ashes of said house. So I need to ask again: Why is the house on fire, O'Neil?

O'Neil:
Look, I-- It's just, y'know... It's a funny story, the kind you tell at parties to impress the ladies.

Murdoch:
I don't go to parties. I hate parties.

O'Neil:
What? You hate parties? What about that birthday party I organized for you a couple of years ago?

Murdoch:
The Geneva Convention had to be updated to include restrictions to ensure that a disaster of that magnitude would never happen again on North American soil. We will not speak of it.

O'Neil:
That's hardly my fault. I never claimed to be a history expert.

Murdoch:
Why is the building on fire, O'Neil?

O'Neil:
Life is ephemeral. It's important that we don't hang onto things too tightly. There was a house, I was watching it, things happened, the house moved to a higher plane of existence. I prefer to dwell on celebrating its phasing to higher consciousness than to get mired in the "should haves" and "could haves" surrounding the nature of electricity and the etymology of the terms "flammable" vs "inflammable". I live in the now.

Murdoch:
"The Now" is when my fist is about to uplift the higher consciousness of your face, O'Neil.

O'Neil:
I really don't understand where all this anger is coming from.

Murdoch:
My anger stems from your complete lack of watching of the house you were asked to surveil.

O'Neil:
What house?

Murdoch:
[pulls out hair now that he realizes the house has been completely destroyed]

O'Neil:
Once you find me a house to watch, I would love to help you out. I live to serve.

Murdoch:
Damn you, O'Neil.